Preparing for EMDR: resourcing, safe place and stabilisation

Many people come to EMDR (eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing) expecting to start work on a painful memory straight away. In practice, there is usually a stage before that. This is often called preparation, resourcing or stabilisation. It can feel slower than you expected, but it is an important part of the therapy, not a delay.

This article explains what happens during this stage, the kinds of exercises you might try, and how to make the most of it. It is general information. Your own therapist will shape the preparation around you.

Why preparation comes first

EMDR asks you to briefly bring a distressing memory to mind while also paying attention to something in the present, such as side-to-side eye movements, tapping or sounds. This is known as bilateral stimulation. Revisiting difficult memories, even briefly, can stir up strong feelings and body sensations.

Preparation helps you feel steady enough to do that work. The idea is simple: before you go somewhere hard, you make sure you have ways to come back. You and your therapist build up skills and inner resources so that, if things feel too much during or between sessions, you know how to calm your body and mind.

Preparation also gives you a chance to:

• Get to know your therapist and build trust.
• Understand what EMDR involves and ask questions.
• Try bilateral stimulation with pleasant or neutral material first, so it feels familiar.
• Notice how your body responds to stress and to calm.

Understanding stabilisation

Stabilisation means helping your nervous system feel settled enough to cope day to day and to take part in therapy. Some therapists talk about a window of tolerance. This is the zone where you can feel emotions without being overwhelmed by them or shutting down.

When you are outside this window, you might feel panicky, on edge or flooded with feelings. Or you might feel numb, foggy or far away. Both are common responses to stress and trauma. Stabilisation helps you notice when you are moving out of the window and gives you ways to return.

How long this takes varies a lot. For some people with a single, recent difficult experience, preparation may take only a session or two. For people who have lived through repeated or long-term difficulties, or who often feel unsafe in their body, preparation may take longer. Neither is better or worse. Going at the right pace for you is part of what makes the work safe.

The safe place or calm place exercise

One of the best-known preparation exercises is the safe place, often now called the calm place. Some people find the word "safe" hard to connect with, so "calm" or "peaceful" can feel more comfortable.

How it usually works

Your therapist will invite you to bring to mind a place where you feel calm, relaxed or at ease. It can be real or imagined. Some examples people use include:

• A quiet beach or a spot by a river.
• A favourite chair with a warm blanket.
• A garden, a woodland path or an open hillside.
• A completely imagined place, such as a cosy cabin or a floating cloud.

You will be asked to notice the details. What can you see? What can you hear? Is it warm or cool? What can you smell? How does your body feel when you are there? Your therapist may then add short, slow sets of bilateral stimulation to help strengthen the pleasant feelings.

Often you choose a word or image that sums up the place, such as "waves" or "blanket". Later, thinking of that word can help bring back some of the calm.

If it is hard to find a calm place

Some people find this exercise difficult. Nothing comes to mind, or a pleasant place quickly turns into something upsetting. This is not a failure, and it is useful information for your therapist.

There are many alternatives. You might focus on one small calm thing, such as the feel of a soft jumper, a pet, a cup of tea or a piece of music. You might picture a place with strong boundaries, like a locked room only you can enter. Your therapist can adjust the exercise until it feels right.

Other resourcing techniques

Resourcing means building up positive inner strengths and memories you can draw on. Alongside the calm place, your therapist may suggest some of the following.

Container exercises

You imagine a strong container, such as a safe, a box or a vault, where you can put distressing thoughts or memories between sessions. The aim is not to ignore them forever but to put them aside until you are ready to work on them with support. Many people find this helps them get on with daily life between sessions.

Helpful figures or qualities

You may be asked to think of people, animals or characters that represent qualities like protection, kindness or wisdom. They can be real, from films or books, or imagined. Bringing them to mind can help you feel less alone when things are difficult.

Resource memories

Your therapist might ask about times you felt capable, strong or cared for. Even small moments count, such as finishing something hard or being comforted by a friend. These memories can be strengthened with short sets of bilateral stimulation, in a process sometimes called resource development and installation.

Body-based skills

Many people find it helps to have some simple physical ways to settle, such as:

• Slow breathing, with the out-breath a little longer than the in-breath.
• The butterfly hug, where you cross your arms over your chest and gently tap your shoulders, one side then the other.
• Pressing your feet into the floor and noticing the support beneath you.
• Noticing a few things you can see and hear in the room.

Agreeing a stop signal and other safeguards

During preparation, you and your therapist will usually agree a stop signal. This might be raising a hand or saying a particular word. It means you can pause processing at any time. Knowing you are in control of pace often makes it easier to engage with the work.

Your therapist may also talk with you about what support you have outside therapy, how you look after yourself after sessions, and whether now is a good time to begin processing. If you are going through a lot of upheaval, such as a house move or a crisis at work, it may make sense to spend longer on stabilisation first. This is something to decide together.

Making the most of the preparation stage

Resources tend to get stronger with practice. A few things that can help:

1. Practise between sessions. Try your calm place or breathing for a few minutes each day, ideally when you are already fairly settled. Skills are easier to use under stress if they are familiar.
2. Be honest about what works. If an exercise feels uncomfortable or does nothing for you, say so. Your therapist would rather adapt than have you struggle on.
3. Notice small changes. You might find you calm down a little faster after a stressful moment, or sleep slightly better. These are signs your resources are building.
4. Plan for after sessions. Leave some gentle time afterwards if you can, especially if you have sessions from home by video. A short walk, a drink or some quiet time can help you transition back into your day.
5. Be patient with yourself. Wanting to rush is understandable. But a solid foundation can make later sessions feel more manageable.

When to seek extra support

It is normal to feel a bit tired or emotional after therapy. If you find yourself feeling much worse, or struggling to cope between sessions, let your therapist know. It can also help to talk to your GP about your situation.

Online therapy is not an emergency service. If you are ever in immediate danger, call 999. If you need urgent help that is not an emergency, call NHS 111. You can also contact Samaritans free on 116 123 at any time, day or night.

EMDR is recommended by NICE for post-traumatic stress disorder in adults, but no therapy suits everyone, and a good therapist will check with you how it is going. If you are considering EMDR, you can book a registered therapist through WebcamTherapy for private video sessions, where on-screen bilateral stimulation can be used during both preparation and processing. Whoever you work with, the preparation stage is a chance to build steadiness at your own pace before anything else.